When Someone You Love Becomes A Memory; Ami Unger Shilton

We stood for each other at our weddings, but really we stood for so much more during those years since we met as five year olds at a birthday party.

As best friends often do, I fell for you head over heels. We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun, as they say. All because I spilled grape juice on your white party dress, remember party dresses?

We inspired each other, too young to know it at the time. I owe you my first fall on the ice and the desire for many more ahead. You learned that a city girl could pee outdoors, carry a “trudie stick” and like it.

Life is fickle, sometimes cruel, surprising and some kind of wonderful. As we shared everything, giggling behind school books and later telephone lines, I never thought that I would find a time when we weren’t there for each other.

As adults we drifted in and out of our lives. Trying to find where we fit, if at all, in the chaos that comes with marriage, kids and careers.  We watched our families change as our parents did and then finally leave us, not knowing how quickly we might leave ours.

After almost three years, I’m finally ready to allow the tears roll down my face for you, Ami. Mostly, I am ready to embrace the memories that could only come from almost 50 years of who you are. I love you still and thank you for entering my world with your party dress and big heart.

A Woman of Valor; Yesterday Brings Today

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“She was a Survivor” I heard the Rabbi say.  It hung in the air as I sat there on the wooden pew with my family around me - my cousins to my right, their mother, Mania Feldman in the simple, yet beautiful casket, in front of us.

“A woman of valor” he went on, referencing a passage in the prayer book. As I sat there with his words surrounding me, I realized that he wasn’t just telling us about the yesterday of Mania Feldman, mother to Cyl, Renee and Nancy. He was speaking of my mother, the mothers of my other cousins in the room, all mothers to the children of holocaust survivors.

These women – “The Aunts” as I called them – these women sought each other out after concentration camp. Each one with their own story of horror, of survival, of valor. They found each other, bonded together and scratched out lives that only excepted today and tomorrow. They survived.

I heard stories of my Aunt Mania that told of her strength, her love, her unapologetic frankness, and of course her stubbornness. I thought of that stubbornness for a while.  As each one has passed (only my Aunt Toni is left) we’ve told stories that embraced their stubbornness. Never ashamed to admit that in the all too many eulogies, when most offer only glowing praises and kind memories, we speak of these women of valor and their stubborn streak with pride. Because that is who they were, and how they were.

When the Germans came to take them away, Mania did not run or turn away, she went. “Mania went off with them like she was going to a dance” I can still hear my aunt Toni say with a small laugh.  I can’t imagine it any other way.

There are just so many stories to tell, so many I heard on this day. Each one made me reflect on the mettle that these women were made of and how my Aunt Mania represented them. Her actions weren’t rude, they were honest, they spoke of love for us and for life – mostly they spoke of what she had been through and what she wanted for today.

The day after my oldest brother was born, my mother left him in the hospital and walked to the next town to be present at Mania and my Uncle Joe’s wedding.  Wide eyed I asked, “You walked?” thinking how I could barely stand at that same 24 hour interval after my first child.  “You walked”, I repeated. “Yes, in the snow. I was terrified”. Terrified that they left the first Jewish baby born at the end of the war in a German hospital. She was not terrified for herself, because she had been through much worse; she was frightened for the future that was born less than 24 hours prior.

I asked why she did it. Did my father force her to attend his sister’s ceremony? She looked at me with sadness and strength simultaneously and replied, “It wasn’t just your daddy’s sister. It was my sister.” Then her voice got a stubborn edge to it as she told me “We didn’t have anyone else but we had each other and we weren’t going to let that go”.

It was their stubbornness that took them from hell, carried them through life, until their day in heaven.  And Mania, was the leader of the pack, as if she was going off to a dance.

Of Puppy-dogs' Tails

Snips and Snails and Puppy-dog's Tails

They say that Man plans and G-d laughs. Oh, did she ever!


I planned and planned. I spent my whole life planning to be a Mom.

While other little girls played house, I mapped out my family. There would be 4 children; the first 2 would be two to three years apart (only one in diapers at a time, thank you very much!). Later, when the perfect ones had started school and my house was a little calmer during the day, I would birth the next set, also 2 - 3 years apart. I never even noticed the chuckle from above as I drew our perfect family in 2nd grade art class.

Being a child of the sixties meant that change was all around me. Stay-at-home-moms weren't de rigueur any more.  Women were expected to do it all. You know, bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let you forget you're a man (with apologies to Peggy Lee and Enjoi). I also saw that amongst the working Moms were the divorced Moms - all of which were expected to be all things to all people. This is when I decided I would be Boss Mom. I didn't know what I would do, but I would have my own business, make my own schedule and be able to juggle it all with ease. I'm sure the day's thunder was to drown out the laughter from over head.

Time passed, I got married, I had my first child, I started my own business. All in all, I was pretty happy in life. The girls were 3 and a half years apart and the plan was in place. Of course girls have their own ups and downs, they can be like kittens clawing at each other one minute then the very next curled up together and inseparable the next.

As more time passed, the plan started to fray at the edges a bit. The kids were all in school and the marriage ... well, you know... things change. 9 years and one husband after the last birth, little Bamm-bamm came into our lives.  And the laughter turned into a roar.

Episode 1: How to Lose a Sleeping Baby

Our little bundle of boy could not crawl yet, but it is amazing how far they can get without crawling.  You put them down at one end of the crib and when you come back, they have squirmed their way to the opposite end, waking up with a gentle cooing and giggling at their happy toes.   At least that was the plan. 

I entered the brightly painted nursery, fully expecting to find my little baby boy in his crib on the mattress, under the watchful eye of the musical mobile's farm animals.

Instead, I found an empty crib. No big yawn and blinking eyes greeted me while I stood there dumb founded, wondering if I had left him in the playpen downstairs. Am I that forgetful? Yes, I concurred and ran downstairs. Still no baby!

Could I have left him at the school with the other children? After all, sleep deprivation is a nasty animal. No, not possible - I wasn't even at the school this morning. The once perfect children had boarded the school bus hours earlier (I hoped).

Dashing back to the room, I saw the mattress move, ever so slightly, but it moved - I was sure of it. Lifting the mattress up for the first of many times I found Bamm-bamm. He had unbelievably lifted the mattress and crawled under it creating his own fortress of nap. My tears of relief and joy were met by his gassy expulsion and laughter, also the first of many times.

This was not the plan. Did I hear someone laughing?

Cys Bronner's resume holds the various and extremely impressive titles of  Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Author, Speaker,  Entrepreneur, Social Network/Community Builder, and lover of all things cycling. When she is not trying to save her sanity by thinking 3 steps ahead of her kids or the rest of the family, you'll find her with her 2 dogs and a cup of coffee. Come to think of it, you'll always find her with a cup of coffee.

Stay On Track

"The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want now"
  - Zig Ziglar

Make Kitchen Magic With Only The Basics on Hand

You know your kitchen should have basic staples on hand; things like flour, eggs, milk, etc. But did you know that beer should be a staple too?

Keep a bottle in your cupboard at all times for last minute marinades or quick bread making.

My favorite quick prep for pork is beer, rosemary and on occasion an addition of basil. This works for other meats as well. Want something without fresh herbs? Easy - Beer and dijon mustard!

Roasted Daikon Radishes Made Easy

We had a bit of a busy kitchen day over at our house. I've more than a few items to share with you but thought I'd start with the easiest, Roasted Dakion Radishes.

I'm a sucker for fresh from the garden items. When there isn't any of that, I tend to commit to finding the freshest in season items at the market. I was stunned to see 3 arm length Daikon radishes for $.99 and knew I had to do something with them.

All I did was slice up the daikon radishes, red pepper and added baby carrots. I drizzled olive oil with a bit of chopped garlic.

Not only was this nummy dish a "set it and forget it" item, but I was thrilled to see the little stars in each radish slice!

This winter dinner item fit perfectly into my 8 week challenge as well as my daughter's move from being a vegetarian to vegan.

Tracking for success and sometimes amusement

Funniest/oddest search words that took people to my Blogging for a Cure blog this week: "yogurt expiration dates"

Do you track your top searches?

Beating the Heat and The Budget

It's been a while since I've had 8 or 9 people living in my house at once, in fact we are down to just 3 at this moment (it could change), but one thing has stayed constant; Summer is hot and the budget is tight.

I've managed to keep a good grip on the budget tiger by becoming a big fan of our market's Manager Specials. This also means that my freezer is kept full of items from the specials and my meals can be just a little more odd... no, make that more creative than your standard Betty Crocker family dinning fare.

Yesterday I visited the freezer to give my daughter the benefits of my latest Manager Special harvest, mozzarella and other various cheeses (I don't do the cow). While there I noticed my stock pile of Naan and brought some in.

Today's summer temperature just begged for a zero cooking tolerance. Alas, the family begged to be fed. Then it hit me..

Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you :: drumroll :: Hot Day Pizza!

In just minutes, I had sliced the last two Roma tomatoes in the fridge and lay them on the Jalapeno Goat Cheese topped Naan. The added bonus to this all was that "the Boys" were as impressed with the shared meal as I was with the ease.

Did you notice the mason jar glass of green goodness? More Manager Special ingredients; 1 marked down bag of salad greens, 2 red apples, 6 ice cubes in a blender. The slight splurge was also from a previous Manager's Special purchase. I added a splash of Zeta Olive Oil with Lemon.

All in all, a happy mom. One who has more time to jump on the bike, I might add ;)

It was a sad day in Mudville

It's no secret that we're a football family.  We have High School football, NFL Football and Fantasy Football all around us. In the off season, we are fundraising for the Athletic Boosters.

But what you might not know is that I am merely an onlooker. After years of raising girls who have moved out, the boys have now become the vocal point of the household while I shake my head in amusement at how wrapped up on can get in a sport.

What I did not know is that I had become a participant. After countless dinners and Sunday brunches where salaries, staffing and play after play had be discussed I had absorbed some of it - and formed opinions.

Being the wife of a die hard Eagles fan it is not always easy. We have ups and downs. This year was more downs then usual. For the rest of you, it can't be hard to imagine what this day in history is like. After 14 years the NFL's "winningnest" coach, Andy Reid, has been fired… with one year left on his contract.

I did not see myself getting getting caught up in this, I also did not see it coming. Why? Because I look at the NFL from a business perspective. Apparently, so does ‪Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie‬ - the only difference is that he is in the business of winning NOW.

From where I sit Reid had a tremendous record from joining the Eagles in 1999 until this less than stellar year. That has value. Add that to the fact that this year kicked off with a personal devastation of losing his son and that value of 14 years could still be at status quo. maybe. But what really made me feel that we'd see our beloved Andy Reid around for one more year is $15 million. $15 mil is what it would have cost the Eagles to buy out his contract and let him go. Now that has value.

It is possible that in my absorption and interest of the business side of the game I did not realize how little value $15 million might be to Lurie. What is more possible is that as much as he claimed to love and respect his head coach, he valued a winning season far more, at what ever the cost.  He wished him well, he wished him a big win ahead but still he wished him gone. It felt like the end of a marriage.

For me, this Eagles family wife, I wish Andy Reid the dignity of a first wife. He moulded them, shaped them, and at times rode the roller coaster with them. After 14 years, I hope he looks forward to his next chapter as much as I look forward to seeing it.

"Cultivate excellence by coming from a position of helping. "

For those of you who are boycotting Black Friday in general, something to think about...

• Black Friday is the day for which each store manager can visibly see their sales trend for the rest of the season and schedule (or even hire!) accordingly.
• 70% of retail sales are made in the last 10 weeks of the year
• In the last hour selling of December 24th a retail location will do sales that surpass the entire month of January
• On December 24th a retail location's sales will equal or surpass the sales of January, February, March and in some rare cases April.

... and lastly, for those of you who are opting to boycott, I invite you to consider the economy, the job market and your own piece of mind by planning ahead and shopping evenly throughout the year.

Recycle, Renew, Reuse; Mantra of An Eco-Friendly Life or Just Frugal?

As a child of the sixties, my formative years were filled with an awareness of how our actions affected our environment and the greater world.

As a child of WWII Holocaust survivors, my years were also filled with not taking anything for granted, and the ever present question "you have so much money?"

The two teachings served me well into adulthood and raising my own young impressionable minds. That is, until the teen years.

What was once Mom's great commitment to our world and all of us doing our part, became "that's ghetto".  Remembering how my then husband and I secretly made fun of his World War II generation parents and how his mother saved every piece of tin foil ever used, I felt a little hurt, a little ashamed, but mostly surprised that they reacted as any teen would.

Now most of my brood is out of their teens, some even raising families of their own. We share cycling tips, yoga stories, found-art crafting and vegetarian recipes while the younger boys snicker and reach for another rib, thank you very much.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not the local Zen Mother. I still participate in filling our landfills, eat meat on occasion, weigh more than the typical yoga girl (way more), and while I may have issues with over packaging I will still buy a product wrapped in unneeded layers when I should protest.

All this is leading up to my sheer joy in finding a resource online that my daughters and I could share on our daily forays into the produce aisles, washable produce bags. Reminiscent of the ditty bags we used to make in Girl Scouts these bags come in sets and are available online at: http://washableproducebags.com/

Take them to the market, use, wash, repeat. Renew, reuse - its that easy.

You can take the girl out of Berekely...

In my 20s I put myself through college and started my family doing any number of things that any Art-Major-slash-Designer would to stay afloat including catering.

The nuances and talents of Alice Waters was lost on 20 year old me when my date tried to impress me with a dinner at Chez Panisse in Berkeley, but her story and philosophies that brought that diner to the table were not.

As a resident of highly populated apartment dwellers in San Francisco the idea of creating a meal with only the freshest ingredients from your garden and market place seemed exotic and foreign to me. As a broke college student it seemed completely out of the scope of reality.

But I was inspired (and determined) I started with herbs on my kitchen window sill, then container growing on the balcony of my LA apartment. Ripped out the front lawn of the most adorable rental home in Tujunga for fresh flowers and veggies - followed by amazing edible floral salads. By the time I moved to my first house of my very own in Lake View Terrace I was well past turning out gourmet meals ala' Alice Waters but on a mission of sustainability that seemed closer to survival. After all, I had a mortgage, a baby and a husband who was "finding himself" professionally.

As the family enlarged I wanted them to embrace my garden to table love. Thinking I was creating memories I would take the kids out to the garden and its small orchard to select items for feasting upon. A year ago, when I proudly told them how pleased I was to be able to do that for them and their personal memory books there was a silence. Finally, Sara spoke up and said "Yah, we hated that".

Now, three kids later, a grandchild and an upgrade (read: larger mortgage) to Century City our garden became the Ralph's at the end of the street and eschewing Alice Water's teaching for my mother's post holocaust frugal methods. No wait, not eschewing -- combining and transitioning into my own.

 

 Ralph's has an awesome deli counter with items like the Roasted Corn Salad pictured above. At $4.99 a pound it really isn't in my budget. I could afford it if it was just my immediate family but I don't have that kind of life. Pre-4th of July the dinner and over night drop ins started to arrive, we had 8 for dinner, 10 for breakfast, with a smaller group of 6 for dinner.  This is no different then my weekends as family and friends come and go. Amazingly, that is just the way I like it.

I might like it, but it does take marketing and preparation into a whole new arena. Everything is planned around what is available. I've gone from what is in the garden to what is on sale. You know what? That is just the way I like it.

Our Ralph's has a manager that I adore - they way they continually mark down quality items allows me to stroll the vegetables and yes, even meats to create yummies on a whim.

Finding 3 packages of baby spinach on sale I knew I had to come up with something that highlighted the tender leaves.  But what? I knew I didn't want to cook, the kitchen was just too hot and grilling was out since the fridge was packed with leftovers.

Wait! Did I just say leftovers? Behold; the leftover chicken transformed into a fa-bu lunch for 8.

How did I do it? 99 cents a lb chicken (picnic pack - breasts, thighs, legs etc) from last night's grill. $1.97 Ralph's fresh packed baby spinach, I threw in some of the roasted corn salad which was bought just to stretch other recipes and topped it off with Ralph's 70 calorie light ranch dressing, another mark down find at 98 cents!

I love my husband, but he has different methods then I do. He'll ask "What do you want from the market?" and of course, I'll answer that I don't know - what's on sale? Once I had the manager's special spinach and roasted corn salad I knew that I had to pull it together with something that could make it a side dish or an entree for our mixed use/semi vegetarian/meatarian family - on to the pasta aisle. Once again, Ralph's did not disappoint. An affordable family sized pack of 4 cheese tortellini brought the ingredients to just what I wanted for my group.

  I might not be the green gardener I once was but with local stores, our farmer's markets and a little creativity in the kitchen I still adhere to a pick-n-eat and enjoy as many drop-ins as wish to join the table.

“ The shell must break before the bird can fly. ”
— Alfred, Lord Tennyson

From Farmer's Market to Your Table

Sundays are like a getting a free card to pass Go!, collect $200 and enjoy the spirit of the non work day. I ride on Saturdays, but this time of year I head right to our local Farmers market(s). We are fortunate to have a few near by and each week is a foray into a different area to see what is in store.

Farmer's Markets offer fresh fruits and veggies. Whether or not you are into health foods you probably know that fresh fruits and vegetables are good for you. If this isn't reason enough to spend a bright, sunny morning among the stalls of produce brought just for you to purvey then you might want to consider all wonderful things you might find that aren't at your local Piggly Wiggly (or Ralphs).

This past Sunday had a mission to it, return the mason jars to the soup lady (with delish reloads of course!) and pick up some fresh hummus and other assorted goodies at the West LA Farmers Market (11338 Santa Monica Blvd). I know I am doing the vendor a disservice by not listing all the variations of items we buy there, this time it was orzo, feta, olive salad, avocado hummus and artichoke salad (yum!).


I was delighted to find lemon cucumbers at the Brentwood Farmer's Market (741 Gretna Green Way). These light yellow cukes don't have a lemon favor at all, it is the size and shape of them that give them their name. They are perfect for summer salads in every way. In fact, I have a plan for them as a solution to tonight's left over salmon. I plan on slicing them thin, adding small pieces or flakes of the left over salmon, adding some sliced green onion and Trader Joe's Ginger Soy dressing to create a salmon salad for lunch. Easy peasy!

It was hard not to dawdle at the coffee guy with his amazing caffeine cafe set up, but I was on limited time. My direct route did not go unrewarded, I found red onions as big as coffee cups!

I trekked home with the usual bounty of squash, japanese cucumbers, eggplant and multicolored carrots all ready for magnificent munching.

Phone Stack - Play and enjoy the company of the people across the table from you ... in the real world.

It's not clear which blogger came up with the idea for this game, 20 year old Stephie as I read about last night, or Blogger Brian - either way it's a brilliant and fun way to ensure that you and your dinning partners interact with each other and not the digital world over a face to face meal.

There are five rules to the game: 1) Game starts after everyone has ordered 2) Phones are placed face down on the table 3) First person to crack and flip over their phone to check a text or feed loses 4) If someone is unable to resist his smartphone's siren's song, he's responsible for picking up the check.
5) If no one falters, everyone is a winner and pays their own portion of the bill.

This seemed like the perfect thing to break out for my husband's 50th Birthday Brunch. With a table full of family and variety of phones I knew the temptation to withdraw to our phones was too great.

As soon as everyone sat down the rules were explained with a series of groans, one by one the phones came out and put face down on the table (we opted not to stack). As phones started ringing the pain was evident. Waiters started noticing and spreading the game around. Some offered looks of amazement but mostly words of support.

The results? No one caved and Mom paid the bill.

2012 Kicks Off With A Culinary Win

The last month of 2011 had me running to the market and to my Mom's constantly. As I bought fresh foods for her, she returned to the hospital just as frequently. In the midst of this cycle my kids were here and there (read: not home for meals), Holiday celebrations cancelled plus Dave and I too tired to do anything other than grab a quick something somewhere and fall into bed for sporadic cat naps with the cell phone tucked under the pillow.

Is it any wonder that I spent New Year's Eve scouring the web for yummy recipes that would use up the veggies-on-the-edge-of-forever in my fridge and not send me to the market, thus sending 2012 into a budget deficit?

Committed to creating a hearty breakfast or brunch that would send us to the hospital (post Football game of course) and see us through the visit with enough yummy in our belly that we did not succumb to the hospital cafeteria, I opted for VeganPiggy's Vegan Breakfast Burritos To Die For.

Since I had 6 packs of Tofu that I bought on sale for 59 cents in addition to all the veggies on hand this seemed like a winner. After swapping the carrots for broccolini, sautéing a few heirloom tomatoes in what I had left of shallots I had the happy experiment of omitting the salsa and using up what was left of Basiltops Vegan Pesto Habanero. We buy this at the Farmer's Market in Santa Monica but you can get yours at their online store. 

Did it work? I'll say. MeatatarianMan Dave happily helped himself to seconds and confirmed that this was a do-again. Yay! A kitchen victory so early in the year.

But wait! There's more. The all important Eagles game ended (Let's not go there), kids confirmed they would not be home and there was the emotionally exhausting hospital visit. No way did I want to cook. I just wanted to sit in a dinner and be served copious cups of coffee (say that 3 times fast). Hubby had other ideas, he wanted to go home. Ugh. What to feed upon? I threw the left over breakfast burrito innards into a big bowl of wild rice that I had forgotten to serve last night and added artichoke hearts, more tomatoes and the few mushrooms I had on hand.  No photos, but trust me - it looked great and tasted great too.

Dave liked this so much that he didn't ask for the Kelbasa he missed out on at breakfast and chose not to add the diced chicken breast I had set aside for him. Another win!

Cooking for the Sandwich Generation

You've heard the term, The Sandwich Generation; those of us who are squished between our parents and our kids running hither and yon trying to be all things to all people and burning the family candle at both ends.

In our family hoagie, there is also a meal prep issue. At one time we had 3 different types of vegetarians in the house, plus two confirmed "Meatatarians". There's the no salt/sodium requirement for my mother, my own diabetes and my husbands love and never ending search of the perfect Philly Cheesesteak.  It can boggle the menu making mind.

Factor that in with the fact that I never really know who will be at the dinner table (Football practice, dates, work, going to friends, friends dropping by) and that my mother won't allow extra food in her fridge for the next day and you have a whole new algorithm of size and quantity to deal with.

Today was designed to be left over day. With only one self sufficient son at home and my husband and I enjoying the calm that hoped for, there was no cooking planned, just help yourself to the odds and ends in the fridge and I'll make up for it tomorrow.

Of course, this was all before the early morning texts came in from my Mom's caregivers, and the new flurry of activity started in again. Mom wasn't feeling well, mom wasn't eating and mom wanted pasta… today.

Did I mention this was Christmas day? Day of the closed market?

So I set to work, wondering all the while what I could make that worked with what I had on hand and could also be made to satisfy one and all. Today became the day Baked Pesto Shells were born.

Here's the down and dirty basics:

• Whole wheat pasta shells cooked
• Homemade pesto sans salt (I keep it in the freezer most of the time)
• Sliced mushrooms (Why? Because they needed to be used)
• Chopped leftover chicken breasts from last night (note to self - omit when vegetarian daughters are home)

Put the whole mess into a 9" x 13" baking dish, top with a little bit of parmesan cheese if the Philly husband insists and bake for about 35 - 45 minutes. 

Viola! You have dinner that everyone will embrace and you are once again the coolest thing since sliced bread.

Give a Little; Make a BIG Difference

I’m walking to make a difference. Light The Night Walk is The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s annual fundraising walk to pay tribute and bring hope to people battling cancer. Make a difference with me donate $18 (for life) http://bit.ly/p6NcCG

He loved…

Stanley Bronner

March 19, 1923 – November 15, 2010

He loved…

He loved music, dancing, education, sharing stories and family – mostly family.

I talk a lot about my parents being my heros, how they were role models in showing us how you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it.

Like all the children of the survivors I saw this in action and learned it through his sage wisdom. Most of his advice started with “If a person wants to make something of himself ...”

I moved away for a few years and when I returned, like Mark Twain, I realized how much smarter my father had become while I was away.

His advice became clearer in its importance to me as I raised my own family, grew my own business and stayed true to the integrity in which I was raised.

No matter what we might think at the moment, we are the product of the people around us, the end result of how we were raised .. and for that Daddy, I thank you.